So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
