you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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