And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
