Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
