Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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