Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize