the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
