If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
