dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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