11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize