Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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