HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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