It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the day after is always just damage control
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
