So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
