oh god the rape fog is back!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
