in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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