I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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