Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
