I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
