I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
