I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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