Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
