Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
