I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
