I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
