do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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