I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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