no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
