Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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