If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize