Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
