the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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