i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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