i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize