what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
