Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
