end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
