it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize