you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
