She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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