Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
