RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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