So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
