plz talk dirty to me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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