just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
