This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
