CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
