hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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