Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
