Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
