You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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