hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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