I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
