Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Your face is a jimmy john
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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