ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
