Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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