are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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