and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
