I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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