he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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