So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Shame is for Republicans.
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