yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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