went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
