He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize