BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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