If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
