i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
