why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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