Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
