The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize