I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
