i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i think my cat just said my name.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize