Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
