I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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