I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize