I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
