I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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