Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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