Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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