As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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