he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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