WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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