Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
