it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
