first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
