So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
