I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
