just come out here and I will go home with you...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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