I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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