Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
