My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
