and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
