If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
