dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize