I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
