glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
