Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
