I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
