So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
