and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
