That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
