FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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