is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
tell me about the eggs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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