she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
