Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
