i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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