you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
NoShamevember. You game?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Terrible idea I love it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
